I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
