Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
