I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
