He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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