almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
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Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
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Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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