She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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