When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
