yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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