a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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