Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
BRING THE BAGELS
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
