Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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