trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
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