wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
