it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
