I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
