There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
