yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
