tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize