I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We had to coat check the pizza.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
