I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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