worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
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This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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