Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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