It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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