I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
