just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
