Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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