yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
