pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
