its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
