My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
