I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
