At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
