is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You were trust falling into bushes
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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