I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
