you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
