she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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