Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Princesses don't give blow jobs
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
