just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
