oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
