I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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