These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
