how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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