Whatcha textin bout Willis?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
