last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
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