finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
