the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
