My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
