I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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