Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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