I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
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Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
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In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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