I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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