So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
