YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
