You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
