Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
