I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
