Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
