"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i out mim tonsoeep
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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