you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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