Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
so much tequila, so little girl.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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