I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
