how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
