Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
