Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
