You smell like stripper and shame
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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