oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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